


The Search

by starry_flights



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Ending, F/M, Manga Spoilers, non-romantic, not sure if i tagged things correctly, rivamika, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-10-01 19:45:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17250242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starry_flights/pseuds/starry_flights
Summary: "Before the war, I was special.  During the war, I was extraordinary.  Now… now, I just want to be normal."  A story in which Mikasa learns that you should enjoy the little detours to the fullest, because that's where you'll find the things more important than what you want.





	1. Chapter 1

It was a sweltering summer's day. Clouds, looking like little white wisps painted hastily on a canvas of brilliant blue, chased each other lazily through the mid-afternoon sky. The sun shone brightly, its light reflecting off of waxy green leaves on the tree-lined street and filtering softly through the windows of old and well-worn buildings. A large wooden sign with fading dandelion paint identified this small fishing town as Lisbeth, located a little ways east from Karanase. Its small population of two-hundred made their living off of the river that ran along the town's border, selling their goods to the occasional merchant or visitor that found themselves wandering through the area.

This cobbled road was the town's main thoroughfare, and there was just one visitor today, a short man with ash brown hair that fell just above weary-looking eyes. It seemed as if today would be as lazy a day as the one that had preceded it, and surely as lazy as the one that would succeed it. 

The lone traveler opened the doors to one of the shops, the gentle tinkle of a bell the only evidence of his entry. He walked silently to the back of the bookstore, the sound of his footfalls muffled by the plush burgundy carpet underfoot, as he was careful not to disturb the quiet magic that seemed to fill the air. Books with peeling covers and fading letters were stacked haphazardly on creaky wooden chairs, precarious towers of unexplored knowledge waiting to fall at a moment's notice. 

A woman sat behind the shop's front counter, absentmindedly tucking silky strands of her raven-colored hair behind her ear. She paid no heed to the stranger who had just walked in. Mikasa was reading a book, and she toyed with the corner of the page as her mind drifted from the story contained neatly in the pages towards memories that threatened to consume her very existence. It had been five years since the small island of Paradis had defeated Marley, and three since Eren had passed away from the Curse of Ymir. _Eren_ , she thought sadly. In the end, there was nothing that she nor anyone else could do, but watch in quiet horror as the wretched titan blood brought death swiftly upon the boy she had loved. Her heart gave a painful tug.

The past three years were a hazy mix of crippling depression, frigid numbness, and unrelenting loneliness. She moved from place to place, city to city, never once staying long enough to settle down roots that would tie her permanently to anything or anyone. She avoided contact with any surviving members of the Survey Corps except Armin, leaving whatever letters that had managed to find their way to her unopened and tucked away in a box under her bed. She wasn't ready, at least not yet, to revisit that period of her life. Happiness and sadness, she had learned, were two sides of the same coin, and the line between the two was oft too blurry for her to discern.

She was broken out of her reverie by the thud of books being placed on the countertop. She stared disinterestedly at the pile in front of her and almost turned back to her own book before she realized that it was, in fact, her job to deal with these sorts of things. She began calculating the stranger's total when he finally spoke, and when he did, her murky brown eyes snapped up to meet the familiar steely grey ones of her former captain, Levi Ackerman.

"Mikasa," he said, his voice flat and his face expressionless. "It's been a while."

The girl worth a hundred soldiers suddenly felt her heart dancing an unsteady rhythm in her chest. Levi watched as surprise, recognition, and apprehension flickered in her eyes before being replaced by her carefully composed façade of apathy. Some people wore their heart on their sleeve, Levi mused quietly, but not Mikasa—no, if it was not for the concern she had shown Eren and Armin throughout their time on the Survey Corps, he might have wondered if she even had one.

Several seconds of silence passed until Mikasa finally quietly muttered "Yes, it has." She looked away, feeling uncomfortable under Levi's piercing gaze. She had forgotten just how naked one could feel when faced with his presence, how perceptive he was with just one sweep of his eyes. She had never been completely comfortable around him, not really, but the animosity she had harbored initially had faded away as they worked closely together during the last year of the war.

"So," said Levi, finally breaking the silence that had stretched for long enough between them, "how have you been?"

"I've been fine," replied Mikasa hesitantly. Apart from the conversation she had once had with Levi regarding their shared power, their interactions never went further than the conveying of orders. For Levi to be attempting small talk was unchartered territory.

"What did you do for the past three years?" he pressed. 

"I've been working."

"Why haven't you contacted anyone?"

"I... didn't want to."

"Why not?" Levi asked, folding his arms and watching her carefully.

Mikasa bit her lip before she could sigh in mild exasperation. She wasn't particularly keen on continuing this line of inquisition. She dragged her dark gaze to Levi's face slowly, disdain etched plainly across her features as she regarded him under her lashes. "You're rather talkative today, Captain."

Levi scoffed at her jab, a low raspy sound rising from the back of his throat. Mikasa watched quietly as her former superior officer picked disinterestedly at a white speck of lint marring his otherwise immaculate black long sleeve shirt. "I've always been talkative, people just don't notice." He rolled the piece between his fingers and seemed to consider it carefully for a moment before dropping it in the waste bucket next to the counter, a soft tch escaping from under his breath.

"That just means nobody listens when you talk," Mikasa parried back smoothly when his attention was focused back on her.

"So the brat hasn't lost her tongue after all."

"…I've always had it, I'm just not particularly inclined to waste my breath on silly questions."

"Don't be a smartass," he replied sourly, but there was no malice behind his words. "Mikasa," he said slowly, carefully, after several seconds had passed. Her slender fingers resting delicately in her lap twitched slightly. "There are some things I'd like to talk to you about. Come with me."

The last part was spoken more like a request than an order. Maybe it was the fact that he had been her superior for so long. Maybe it was the fact that she was still startled from his sudden appearance. Or maybe it was something else entirely, but Mikasa found herself swallowing back the 'no' that had risen automatically to her lips. "I'm working right now," she said instead, gesturing vaguely at the stacks of dusty old bookshelves lining the walls.

Levi sighed and rolled his eyes. What a terrible excuse. "You call this a job?" he remarked acerbically. "There's nobody in this shop other than you. I bet you haven't had a customer in at least three days. Your boss won't care. They wouldn't even notice you were gone."

He knew Mikasa would bristle at his callous reply, and it was with poorly masked amusement that he watched her practically inflate with indignation. Without waiting for her answer, Levi strode to the door. Hand on the brass handle and halfway through the exit, he looked back over his shoulder at the tight-lipped girl sitting behind the counter. "I don't have all day, you know," he added lazily.

Mikasa stared at her shit-eating former captain, frustration evident in the way her lips were pressed into a thin line. A slight flush had begun to dust her cheeks, coloring them a pretty pale pink. She threw a contemptuous glare at the innocuous book she was clutching in her hands before closing it sharply and placing it on the table with more force than was necessary. Levi smirked to himself when Mikasa flinched at the unexpectedly loud noise. 

Levi held the door open for Mikasa as she moved toward him and stepped out into the glaring sunlight. The distant sounds of wheels and horse hooves clattering on cobblestone roads mixed quietly with the sound of tree leaves rustling in the wind. "Let's go," Levi spoke from beside her. He had his hand raised, shielding his eyes from the sun's unrelenting rays. He saw Mikasa's head turn to look at his face, and he held her gaze for a brief moment before turning to walk down the street. 

Mikasa watched his retreating back warily, her trepidation making the first step hard to take. But memories previously repressed soon began assaulting her mind. Drawn swords and taut muscles, the feeling of wind whipping in her face, filled her senses. How many times had she followed Levi into battle, despite not knowing whether she would make it out alive? This feeling—this apprehension—was nothing new. And so Mikasa swallowed firmly and clenched her fists, forcing her fear down. Her steps faltered only slightly before she was quickly caught up with Levi. Their boots clicked against the ground in unison as she, for the first time in a long time, followed him forward.

\-- -- -- -- --

It was half past four when they finally arrived at their destination. Levi had brought her to where he was currently staying—a small, white, thatch-roofed cottage located not far from the river. Mikasa's finger now rested lightly on the lip of her teacup, absentmindedly tracing the edge of the porcelain as she watched steam rise gently from the amber liquid resting inside. Sunlight spilled into the room from a window situated snugly along the sloping ceiling, casting golden light across the small circular table she was currently sitting at. 

The room was pristine, as was expected from her former captain. Levi's bed was in the back corner of the room, and a crisp white shirt was folded neatly atop his midnight blue duvet cover. Beside his bed lay a small wooden rectangular table. A pile of books, stacked neatly according to size, lay beside a burnished silver candle holder. A writing desk was placed on the opposite side, and Mikasa noted several heaps of paper resting on its surface. A tan messenger bag hung from the accompanying chair.

Levi was quiet as he placed his teacup gently onto the table Mikasa was sitting at. He pulled his chair out and sat down smoothly, angling his body towards her. After taking a sip of his tea, he finally spoke. "You're probably wondering why you're here." Only silence greeted his ears, and he took it as an invitation to continue. 

"I'm not sure how up-to-date you are with the current state of affairs. To be frank, the past few years have been a shitshow," Levi said caustically. "I've been working with the Queen to help forge relationships with other nations, but progress is slow. Most nations are still scared of us—they think we've been secretly hiding titans and are just biding our time until we can unleash them again—but even the ones that are more receptive to negotiations are still wary. The papers on my desk," he nodded his head in their direction, "are part of a current initiative by the Queen to strengthen our trade routes internally while we wait for responses from other governments. That's why I'm here. I've been speaking with the local government and townspeople about exchanging seafood fished from your ports with textiles from another town north of here."

"What does that—" Mikasa began to interject, but Levi cut her off. "I'm getting to that, just let me finish." 

"We all knew how obses- how much you cared about Eren's wellbeing," her former captain continued. "So when he up and died and you stopped communicating with members of the Survey Corps, we were concerned you'd done something rash. Of course," he glanced at her quickly, "Armin was able to touch-base with you eventually and tell us you were alive, but you mail him so infrequently it's hard to know what you've been doing. So that's the first reason I wanted to talk to you. To see for myself that you haven't buried yourself six feet under the ground as well.

"The second reason I'm here," Levi said, ignoring Mikasa's flinch at his last comment, "relates to what I told you earlier. Her Majesty believes your presence would be invaluable during negotiations with other governments. If the Island of Paradis sends its two most decorated soldiers to discussions regarding our prospective partnerships, it lends legitimacy and weight to our proposals." 

Levi sighed and turned to face Mikasa fully. His threw his arm behind his chair and crossed his legs, looking at her with an inscrutable expression on his face. "I'm here to offer you a job," he said plainly. "The terms and conditions of your employment can be discussed with Her Majesty in person should you choose to accept the offer. Your salary is negotiable too."

"A job?" Mikasa repeated blankly. She didn't know what she was expecting when she had followed Levi from the bookshop, but it certainly wasn't this. She shook her head firmly, her dark hair falling into her eyes. "No. No, I already have one."

Levi had expected her to say this. "How long do you plan on staying in this village, Mikasa? Are you going to spend the rest of your life working as a bookstore clerk?"

"I don't-," Mikasa began awkwardly.

"Don't bullshit me, Mikasa. You do know. You're not staying here permanently. The only question is when you're going to pack your bags and move on to the next town."

"That's not-"

"It is true."

"Will you just-"

"No." Levi's eyes narrowed. "Eren's death affected us all. Connie left the military for a while. Jean did too. Historia had trouble performing her royal duties because she was so overcome with grief. But you know what? They all pulled themselves together. Connie's helping to rebuild his village. Jean's assisting Hange with her experiments. Historia is still Queen, and she's doing her best to establish Paradis as a nation worthy of respect. That only leaves you, Mikasa. How long are you going to continue running away?" he finished.

Mikasa's hands shook in her lap. "I am not running away. I'm not… I don't… I just don't want to be involved with any of this anymore," she said harshly, a note of desperation tinging her voice. "I don't want to have to think about the military anymore, I don't want to have to think about the… the Marleyans or… or the Hizurus, or anyone else out there. I don't want to have to think about what we did wrong, what we did right, what we could've done but didn't. I'm tired, so fucking tired of it all."

Mikasa had to take a deep breath and calm herself before she continued. She couldn't bring herself to look at Levi. "Before the war, I was special. During the war, I was extraordinary. Now… now, I just want to be normal."

Her words hung heavy in the air. The steaming cup of tea that Mikasa was initially playing with had gone cold. "Do you feel normal now?" Levi finally asked, his voice cutting through the silence.

The answer was obvious. "…No," Mikasa replied quietly, defeatedly, fighting to keep her voice from quivering. 

Levi tried to look at the woman sitting before him but saw instead a girl folding in on herself, trying to bury her nose and her cheeks and her sorrow into the red scarf that hung limply around her neck. He sighed again. "I know what I said was harsh. I know… how you must feel. I cannot offer you normalcy, Mikasa. I don't know if that's something that can be found." He paused as he considered his next words carefully. "But I am offering you a purpose, or at least something akin to it. You can move forward, instead of staying in this shit limbo state you've found yourself in."

Mikasa did not reply, but a truce seemed to settle between the two Ackermans. They stayed like this for a long time, sitting in silence. Eventually, the golden sunlight spilling across the white linen tablecloth turned into shades of vivid pink and blazing orange. Mikasa finally cleared her throat as the sun set slowly over the horizon. "It's getting late," she said stiffly. "I should go home." Levi looked up from the papers he held in his hand and nodded.

Levi walked her to the door. She opened her mouth to say something, maybe a goodbye, but she struggled to put words in her mouth. Instead, she gave her former captain an awkward nod before she turned around. His eyes followed her back as she began to descend to the landing below. He called her name as she was midway down the flight of stairs, and she stopped to listen. "I'm leaving this week," Levi said from the doorframe, projecting his voice just loud enough for her to hear. "If you decide you want the job, meet me outside the town's municipal building once the sun has set five days from now. I need to be back in Mitras by the morning, so don't be late." 

He closed the door with a thud. Mikasa walked home that night lost in thought, a lone figure drifting aimlessly under a gleaming curtain of stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You should enjoy the little detours to the fullest. Because that's where you'll find the things more important than what you want."  
> 
> 
> -Hunter x Hunter


	2. Chapter 2

Time is a fickle thing. It crawls at a snail’s pace when you wish it to pass quickly, but roars by without pretense when all you ache is for it to stand still. Levi wondered how quickly the five days had passed for Mikasa. Did she struggle with her decision? Or did she know what she was going to do the moment the offer had left Levi's mouth? 

It didn't matter though, Levi supposed, as he would find out soon enough. The sun was setting on the sleepy town of Lisbeth, casting an orange glow across the lush landscape and signaling the captain's imminent departure. He was wrapping up the last day of negotiations with the townspeople, and Levi was pleased to say that they were able to reach a commerce agreement between Lisbeth and the town upstream of them with relative ease. As the village representative got ready to leave, he stretched his arm out in a handshake and gave Levi a small smile that seemed to make his sage blue eyes sparkle with kindness. "Thank you for your help, Captain Levi," he said in farewell.

Levi stood in his spot, surprised momentarily by the old man. Even as an adult, Levi had never grown accustomed to being on the receiving end of kindness. After all, years of being known as Humanity's Strongest meant that much of what he experienced came in the form of angry harassment, bitter tears, or, on rare occasion, devoted idolization. The work of a diplomat he now undertook was better in a sense, but he had to deal with derisive government officials who thought themselves to be God’s greatest gift to mankind.

 _Maybe it’s time to retire_ , the former captain thought to himself absentmindedly as he packed his bags and made his way to the building exit. A life of solitude, living off the land in some faraway mountain with his horse, did not seem like a bad way to enjoy the rest of his years. Or maybe he would open up a tea shop in a town not unlike Lisbeth—he could import the finest teas and put the aromatic leaves proudly on display. The science of brewing tea was enthralling to Levi, and the delicate light fragrance of a beautifully crafted cup made his chest thrum with satisfaction.

A blaze of summer heat blasted his face when he stepped out of the building. His light cotton shirt clung immediately to his skin as the humid air seemed to rest heavy on the land. The thoughts of retirement bid him farewell as he was faced again with the reality that he was returning back to Mitras.

But it seemed he would not be returning to Mitras alone.

Mikasa, her slender figure draped in a dark brown cloak, had always been a study in contrasts. Her pale skin, when complimented with her silky black hair, was a striking combination. Today, the sun’s setting rays had set her hair ablaze, coloring parts of it a fiery copper hue. She was all reds and browns while her surroundings were filled with luscious greens. She was standing next to his charcoal stallion, her hand outstretched as she fed the beautiful equine creature. Her eyes snapped up to meet his when she heard the door to the municipal building close.

“Mikasa,” Levi said, his voice carrying across the path to where she stood. She watched him walk over, and Levi did not miss the apprehension that flickered in her eyes as he stopped beside her. Her outstretched arm fell back to her side, the peanuts she was holding falling unnoticed onto the grass below. “I’m surprised you came.”

The younger Ackerman’s eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly. Levi swore he saw her eyebrow twitch. “You shouldn’t extend invitations to people if you aren’t prepared for them to accept,” she replied coolly.

Levi rolled his eyes at her predictable response. “Don’t try and insert some hidden meaning into my words when there was none, Ackerman,” he said as he hoisted himself onto his horse. “I didn’t say I wasn’t prepared. Just don’t come whining to me later on if you regret your decision to come with me. Diplomats are notoriously hard to deal with and I don’t want someone quitting in the middle of a mission.”

Mikasa mirrored her captain’s actions and situated herself comfortably on her own saddle. “I’ve taken down hundreds of fifty meter-class titans,” she sighed, as if she was just listing off the groceries she had gotten from the market. “I’ve gone days, almost weeks, without food. I’ve dealt with an ill-tempered arrogant commanding officer that always seemed to have a stick up his ass. I can take on a few diplomats.” 

Levi didn’t miss a beat. “You didn’t sound so cocky a short while ago when you were sulking around your no-name bookstore.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t anger the person you’re trying to hire,” Mikasa snapped back, her eyes clear as ice and voice sharp as daggers.

“Fuck, calm down, you’re taking this out of proportion. I wasn’t trying to—”

“Don’t tell me how I’m supposed to react!”

Irritated, her former captain pulled on his horse’s reigns so that he now faced Mikasa head-on. He wasn’t interested in entertaining her mercurial temperament. “If you’re going to interpret everything I say as a threat or a jab, I’m taking back my offer. We worked well together when we were in combat, but maybe that was too far in the past.” 

Mikasa grit her teeth. She felt justified in her emotions—after all that she had been through in the last three years, Levi’s sudden appearance had sent her tenuously controlled world into a whirlwind of chaos and unpredictability. His seemingly callous dismissal of her emotions felt like an admonition, a slap on the wrist or a whip on her back. But then again, he had always been so straightforward, so without pretense… it was what made Levi so unapproachable, after all. And Mikasa remembered that after spending years in the military, of discovering how deep the roots of corruption and deceit went, that the blunt nature of her captain was sometimes a welcome reprieve from the veiled communications she so despised. 

Maybe Levi did have a point after all.

“…Alright,” she mumbled, her voice obscured by the thick red scarf she had pulled up to her nose despite the humid weather. She breathed in deeply and let the damp air swirl heavily in her lungs before breathing out again. 

This seemed to satisfy Levi. He turned his horse back around to face the long dirt road leading away from the small town toward Wall Sina. Shadows were starting to creep along the ground, a reminder that it was time to leave. The birds seemed to have retired for the night, replaced instead by crying cicadas. “Are you ready?” he asked, looking behind his shoulder at Mikasa.

“Yes,” she replied quietly, spurring her horse forward with a gentle kick.

“I won’t tolerate hesitation or backing down,” Levi warned as he too started a slow but steady trot down the dirt road away from Lisbeth.

“You’ve never had to worry about that from me.”

“Except when you tried to take Eren back from the Female Titan but failed and I had to save the both of you.”

Mikasa’s face darkened at the unpleasant memory. She had felt guilty about the incident for weeks and had avoided the captain’s presence as a result. Seeing him sidelined and walking around in crutches while the rest of the Survey Corps went out on expeditions had made her feel like a ten-pound stone was perched uncomfortably on her stomach. “That’s different,” she said thickly. “That was just—”

“Not following orders?” Levi offered.

“Yes.”

“At least you got better towards the end.”

Their conversation tapered off as they started to gain speed, the sound of hooves on ground drowning out their voices. The outline of Lisbeth grew smaller and smaller behind them, finally disappearing completely behind a crescent hilltop. Orange sky turned slowly into midnight blue, bringing with it a crisp breeze that sliced through the heavy midsummer air. It skimmed gently across their faces and sent their cloaks flying out behind them. The landscape, now wild and untamed fields of dark green, swallowed their two figures in darkness until they were undiscernible blots on a tangled landscape.

They stayed like this for most of the night: silent, each preoccupied with their own thoughts. Mikasa wondered if she made the right decision. There were some on the Survey Corps who would have been appalled at the way Mikasa had been living, what with her constant moving and minimal contact with surrounding humanity. From an outsider’s perspective, it seemed like she had just faded away from existence after Eren’s death. But she wanted it this way, or so she thought. It was less painful for her to live a nameless life, to just wake up and go to sleep without thinking about other people. 

There was also the fact that she would have to work in close quarters with Levi. It was tolerable, pleasant even, riding with Levi like this, but she doubted her ability to maintain her composure around the captain for long periods of time. There was something about Levi that just grated on Mikasa’s nerves. His words and tone were harsh, unfiltered, and it was a constant struggle for her to remember the many times that Levi had saved her life. 

Deciding to come had been a last-minute decision. She had been firm in her choice, at least initially, to remain in Lisbeth and never see Levi ever again. She could do this for the rest of her life. But as the days dragged on, thoughts of her captain’s offer started to tug at her in the back of her mind. She had started to question herself, doubt herself—was she really okay? Levi had said she was running away. She hated the way he made those words sound. Like it was weak.

_If you don’t fight, you can’t win._

Eren had always said that. It was those words that echoed in her mind unbidden, on repeat, endlessly, tauntingly, that finally drove her to pack her bags and rush out of her apartment. She had slipped a hastily scrawled note under the door of her landlord before jumping on her horse and riding to the municipal building. It was such a rash decision, and Mikasa cursed at herself silently for making the same mistake over and over again. 

She was drawn back from her thoughts occasionally when Levi stopped her for short breaks along the way. They sat under old and mangled trees to stretch their sore, aching legs. Levi offered her his water pouch, albeit a bit reluctantly, when he discovered she had forgotten hers back in her apartment. His face was stony when he watched her take a big gulp of water. “You’re lucky I don’t want you to die of thirst,” he remarked dispassionately. The look of disgust on his face when she handed it back to him was enough incentive for Mikasa to ask for a drink every time they stopped.

The looming outline of Wall Sina finally came into view when the sun started to creep up above the horizon. Mikasa, who had started to tire, suddenly felt wide awake when she saw the familiar sight. The fields surrounding them had turned back into short, neatly maintained stretches of grass. Signs of humanity became more and more frequent as they neared the gate—a broken and discarded wagon wheel thrown to the side, old and worn-out military equipment from decade-old trips propped up against fallen trees. 

Levi must have noticed the anxiety etched plainly in Mikasa’s features, but he decided not to press. For this, Mikasa was grateful. Adrenaline coursed through her veins, and her voice faltered when they finally reached the entrance to Mitras. “Captain Levi,” the two guards saluted when they caught sight of the famous soldier. Their gazes passed dismissively over Mikasa but bounced back when they recognized her distinctive features. “Lieutenant Ackerman!” they stumbled in surprise. Mikasa lowered her head and tucked her chin into the folds of her scarf in response.

The city center was already bustling with activity even though the sun had only just started to rise. Merchants were setting up their stalls on either side of the road, heaving crates of seafood, fruits, vegetables, and other goods onto display shelves. They peddled their wares to wandering passerby, simpering and sweet to their face but rude and disgruntled once they left. Children played on the road, laughing as they chased each other around, oblivious to their surroundings.

Levi finally spoke when they entered a smaller and more private road that would lead them to the Royal Palace. “I have a meeting with Queen Historia right when we arrive,” he said, turning to look at Mikasa. “Wait outside the room. I will notify the Queen about your decision. She will be pleased, no doubt. I’ll let you know when you can enter.” Mikasa nodded, her voice still too weak for her to say anything.

It wasn’t long before they entered the castle gates. The oft-spoken about but rarely seen structure was equal parts beautiful and intimidating, especially for those who were not frequent visitors. Its white stone walls were kept immaculately clean, the morning dew making them almost glisten in the sunlight, but they soared so high that Mikasa felt like she was trapped inside. Military Police patrolled the halls at all hours of the day, the barrels of their government-issued rifles peeking out underneath their brown jackets. Portraits of the now-disgraced kings and queens were hung on the walls, their empty eyes eerie and sinister as they spied on every interaction that took place in the castle. 

Mikasa walked closely behind Levi after they dropped their horses off at the palace stable. He waved off soldiers who offered to escort them to Queen Historia, wary of their potential eavesdropping. He led Mikasa through countless hallways and passages, so much so that the younger Ackerman was starting to lose track of where they had turned left and where they had turned right, where they had taken a flight of stairs and where they had stayed on the same floor. Finally, they arrived at a brilliant set of mahogany doors in a secluded wing of the palace. He knocked twice, and upon hearing a soft “come in,” told Mikasa to stay put before opening and closing the doors behind him.

Cold, Mikasa thought once Levi had disappeared. It was cold here. Not that Levi offered much physical warmth to begin with, but his presence had served a dual purpose to shield her from the fear of being left alone in a forbidding and unfamiliar place. 

Minutes ticked by, and Mikasa found herself straining to hear the conversation occurring on the other side of the door. Their voices were too soft and muffled for her to hear anything clearly. She closed her eyes in concentration and had her ear pressed to the door when she heard her name being spoken. _Mikasa_ , she heard Levi say. They were talking about her. 

It was suddenly hot, too hot. Her heart thudded in her chest violently, blood rushing up to her face. She withdrew from the door not a moment too soon, thanking the gods she had not been caught listening. A second later, the doors were swung open by the petite figure of Queen Historia. “Mikasa!” she shouted, happiness and relief flooding her face when she caught sight of the raven-haired soldier. Historia grabbed hold of Mikasa’s arm and dragged her inside, brushing past Levi who was standing unperturbed by the doors. “I’ll be waiting down the hall,” he said to Mikasa before grabbing his belongings and giving the two women privacy. 

Mikasa was momentarily blinded by the golden light that streamed through the windows, her eyes having adjusted to the dark hallway outside. Historia guided the disoriented Mikasa around like a herder would a goat, the latter feeling particularly powerless to her surroundings. Historia forced the younger Ackerman into a plush green armchair, fussing over her cloak and bags and offering her something to drink before taking a seat herself. “Mikasa,” she said again once she was situated, “it’s been so long! We haven’t seen or heard anything from you. Have you been alright?”

Eyes finally having adjusted to the light, Mikasa looked up hesitantly at Historia. She wished she hadn’t. It was unnerving, seeing Historia’s crystal blue eyes shine in innocent earnest. Her exhilaration at seeing Mikasa for the first time in three years was plain to see; it showed in the way her eyes crinkled at the corners, the way her hands were clenched in excitement. But Mikasa could not share the same sentiment. Being forced to confront the consequences of her self-imposed disappearance was embarrassing, uncomfortable. Shame washed over her. Did she think nobody would notice? Did she think they would stop caring?

“I’ve been… okay,” Mikasa finally responded after realizing Historia was still waiting for an answer. She toyed with the hem of her shirt distractedly as Historia continued to watch her intently.

“Levi told me he found you in a bookstore in the outskirts of Karanase. Is that true?”

Mikasa nodded mutely. 

“He also told me you were exceedingly difficult to work with,” Historia declared, eyes still gleaming with joy.

“Maybe he should take a look in the mirror,” Mikasa replied automatically. 

Historia laughed at her comment and Mikasa was reminded of how gentle the sound was, like bells ringing in the spring. Memories of training together and joint missions invaded her mind. “Levi’s been working on this project for almost a year and a half,” the queen pressed on. “He’s been traveling to different villages in Paradis to try and strengthen our internal trade routes. It’s been difficult to establish relationships with the other nations, so we’ve been focusing on our own domestic partnerships in the meantime. We’ve been hoping that he’ll run into you along the way, and it seems he finally has. In a small fishing town, no less!”

“It was unexpected,” Mikasa said in response, a small smile gracing her lips as she slowly became acclimated to Historia’s presence.

“I can imagine! I think Levi was probably just as surprised as you are, but you know how he is. The only time I’ve ever seen him look anything other than sullen was more than half six years ago. Can you believe it’s been so long?”

Mikasa shook her head, hair falling into her eyes. “Has it been hard being the queen?” she asked suddenly, the words tumbling out of her before she could stop herself.

“It certainly isn’t what I expected,” Historia answered truthfully, leaning back in her chair and staring out the window. “I never imagined that I would be here. There are days where I wake up still thinking that I am the same girl now as I was in my childhood. I doubt myself a lot of the times… I try and surround myself with people that are smarter than me, but you never really know what their true intentions are. That’s why my inner circle of advisors is so small. I am fortunate enough that Levi has offered to help me, as is.”

Her last sentence caught Mikasa by surprise. Come to think of it, Historia had been calling Levi by his name, and only his name, since the beginning of their conversation. “You and the captain seem… close,” she said haltingly.

Historia seemed surprised. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t call him captain anymore,” Mikasa clarified awkwardly. “And he seems to be doing a lot for you.”

Historia blinked again in surprise before smiling. “The captain has been helping me with a lot of things ever since I became queen,” she said with a laugh. “I think he feels guilty for forcing me to take the throne, so this is his way of making up for it.”

“Do you resent him for it sometimes?” Mikasa questioned softly.

Momentary silence filled the room. “I try not to,” Historia replied, the smile starting to fade from her face, “but it’s hard. This is not the life I would have chosen for myself had I been given complete freedom. But when are we ever afforded such a luxury? I have a duty to fulfill. Levi simply forced the gravity of the situation upon me. Besides,” she continued, eyes alight again, “he has been so incredibly helpful around the orphanage. I can’t resent him after all he has done.”

“I can’t imagine the captain being around kids,” Mikasa admitted. She tried to visualize the stoic and foul-mouthed soldier running around a field playing with screeching children, but such an image was so incongruent with her perception of the man that Mikasa simply gave up. The confusion must have shone on her face because Historia laughed.

“Oh no, he never interacts with the children. He just helps the staff build new facilities and secure funds so we can support more kids.” She saw the grimace on Mikasa’s face and gave her a teasing look. “I know you don’t get along particularly well with Levi but try not to hold his past actions against him. He is much kinder than you think. And it will be important for you two to work together.”

They spent the rest of their meeting talking about the details of Mikasa’s new assignment. She and Levi would be official representatives of the island nation of Paradis, tasked with protecting the interests of their citizens during international negotiations. Because of their background in the Survey Corps, much of their work would be focused on strengthening the nation’s military power. By leveraging the island nation’s abundant natural resources, they hoped to gather the physical goods and intellectual property necessary for a high-functioning military. If successful in their mission, Paradis would become a formidable power capable of protecting itself from the ever-present threat of foreign invasion.

“I know this is a lot to take in,” Historia said after they had finished talking. She handed a thick envelope to Mikasa who accepted it with an unsure expression on her face. “Inside is your contract. I know you rode a long distance just to accept the offer, but that was before I gave you all the details. I understand if you want to think about it some more. We didn’t have the luxury of time during the war, but time is something I can give you now. Make the decision when you are ready.” 

Mikasa stared at the envelope in her hands before looking again at Historia. “Thank you,” she stammered, grateful to Historia for her consideration. 

“Don’t disappear again before you give me your decision,” the queen joked as she led the stunned soldier to the door. The corner of Mikasa’s lips tugged up into a small smile.

“I’ll try not to.”

\-- -- -- -- --

Mikasa stared as the light coming from her sputtering candle danced across the grey stone ceiling. After her meeting with Historia, Levi had brought her back to the military base they had stayed at during the war. The Survey Corps had seen a mass exodus after Paradis’ victory, with most soldiers returning to civilian life. As such, Mikasa’s room had remained relatively untouched. The belongings she had left behind the day she disappeared were still scattered around the room. An old comb she had used to brush through her hair. A battered book she used to read whenever she had trouble sleeping.

It was probably late at night by now, judging by how long ago the sky had darkened. Mikasa lay in her bed, the thin covers drawn to her chin. She was wide awake, the events of the day and the memories she associated so closely with these walls battling each other for dominance in her head. Thoughts of Eren flashed through her mind, followed quickly by fear about the future. What was she doing here?

Mikasa pushed herself up and sat on the edge of her bed. Her joints cracked after having stayed in the same position for almost the whole day. Her stomach growled in hunger. She hadn’t eaten since last night when she and Levi departed from Lisbeth.

She wrapped a cardigan around herself before stepping out into the drafty hallway. She wandered through the building with no clear sense of where she was going, too distracted by her own thoughts to pay much attention to the outside world. Eventually, she found herself in the dining hall, blinking in surprise at where her feet had taken her. 

A sharp voice suddenly sliced through the silence. “What are you still doing up?” 

Mikasa’s head snapped in the direction of where the sound came from. Her breath hitched in her throat before she found the source of the intrusion. Staring at her disapprovingly from across the room was Levi, a stack of papers in his hand and even more strewn around him. She exhaled in relief. “Couldn’t sleep,” she mumbled, too mentally exhausted to fire off a retort.

“No shit,” came his reply. Levi regarded her carefully, taking note of her hunched form and limp hair. She looked pathetic. He used his foot to push one of the chairs out adjacent to him. “Take a seat,” he said, tapping the wooden leg. 

Mikasa was tempted to turn around and leave, but Levi’s gaze was commanding. She sat down next to him at the corner of the table, careful not to disturb his notes. A half-eaten loaf of bread placed next to a steaming cup of tea caught her eye. Her stomach growled loudly, prompting Mikasa to blush. 

This did not go unnoticed by her captain. “I didn’t see you at the dining hall earlier this evening,” Levi said, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Did you eat today?” 

“Yes,” Mikasa lied automatically, avoiding Levi’s eye.

“Liar,” Levi shot back. He put the loaf of bread along with some butter onto a plate before handing it to Mikasa. “You’re going to waste away if you don’t eat.”

He watched as she began picking at the bread, ripping off little chunks to eat one at a time. The butter lay untouched. “Why were you having trouble sleeping?” he prompted. Mikasa shrugged, ignoring him as she continued to tear apart the unassuming loaf. “Oi,” Levi snapped, forcing the younger Ackerman to look up at him. “Something’s clearly on your mind so just spit it out.”

“Okay,” she said with surprising clarity, swallowing the last piece of bread she had in her mouth. “Why me? Why pick me for the job?”

“Because you were the right one for the position,” Levi answered easily, setting down the stack of papers he had in his hands. 

“I don’t understand.”

Levi sighed. “We wanted someone who had experience in the military,” he explained. “They also needed to be relatively high ranking or well-regarded so that other nations would know we weren’t just fucking around but serious about our intentions.”

“That could’ve been any number of people,” Mikasa replied, unsatisfied with his answer.

“It also had to be someone who played a part in the overthrow of the Fritz Royal Government. We needed someone we could trust, who was there from the beginning. You were Eren and Armin’s best friend. You have the most titan kills after me. You’re the most accomplished member of the 104th Training Corps. Our initial relationship with Hizuru was established in large part because of their interest in you and your cooperation with their government. Need I say more?”

“I still don’t understand,” Mikasa replied, shaking her head. “I don’t know anything about foreign affairs.”

Levi scoffed at her response. “Do you think anyone does?” he retorted. “Just a few years ago, we didn’t even know there were other nations out there. We thought that the whole of humanity resided within these three walls and that was it. The concept of foreign affairs didn’t even exist. We’re all learning as we go.”

“But I—”

“Mikasa,” Levi said, cutting her off. “If you’re doubting yourself so much, why did you even come back to Mitras in the first place?”

His question made her stop. “Because… because you said I was running away. Because Eren always said to me, ‘if you don’t fight, you can’t win.’”

“Probably the wisest thing that’s come out of his mouth, but that’s not saying much,” Levi remarked sardonically. A contemplative look crossed his face before he rose sharply from his chair, startling Mikasa in the process. “Follow me,” he ordered as he strode purposefully away from the dining hall.

Perplexed, Mikasa trailed behind him closely. To her surprise, they arrived at the door to her room, and she watched with alarm as he forced it open with a bang. Eyes scanning the room carefully, he spotted the envelope Historia had given Mikasa laying unopened on her bed. Levi snatched it from her covers, took out the contract, and placed it firmly on the desk next to the door. 

“If you want to live by the words Eren spoke to you, then you know what to do,” Levi said, his voice loud and firm, the unspoken challenge evident behind his statement.

Mikasa looked then into his eyes, brown staring into grey. It was like a switch was turned on. Her heart beat loudly against her chest, pumping pure adrenaline throughout her whole body. Electricity seemed to course through her veins, and for the first time in so long she felt _alive_. Her senses were heightened extraordinarily—she could hear a small forest rodent scurrying outside, see the little dust particles floating through the air, smell the faint scent of soap that lingered on Levi’s exposed skin. 

She grabbed the pen that Levi had silently offered. It felt heavy in her grasp, like the gravitas of the situation had suddenly condensed itself a single physical entity. She grasped it firmly. With a single flurry of her hand, it was done. She had signed the document, sealing her commitment to a new mission, forcing her into a new chapter of her life she had so desperately avoided just a week ago.

When her breathing and heartrate finally returned back to normal several minutes later, Mikasa faced her captain. “You did the same thing to me as you did to Historia,” she said, her voice tinged with annoyance.

Levi crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “So?” he asked, a gleam in his eye. “It worked both times.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to upload! I have been so incredibly busy and was never satisfied with the things I had written. Still not completely satisfied, but here it is anyway :^)


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